the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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