i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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