As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
