When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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