Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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