someone owes me an orgasm
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
