Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dick very happy bro
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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