in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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