After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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