dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
