Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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