the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had sex on a roof
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
