sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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