whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
