my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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