Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
