We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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