I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
