Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
