Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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