It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
