How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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