I puked a lego.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
