So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
