So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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