ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
