Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
