you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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