matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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