Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
