dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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