So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
