Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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