I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
