Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
