How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
