Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
