The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
