Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
