what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
