absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
last night I used snow as a chaser
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
