i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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