Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
