I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
