He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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