rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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