She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
