At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
