At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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