I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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