he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
