Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
