her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
