Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
