I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
