drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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