now i know why i became what i already was.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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