take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
