I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize