Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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