I puked a lego.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
