I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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