To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
