all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
