I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
