Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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