Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
