The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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