My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
